A Conundrum.
I’ve been thinking about this off and on for years, now. So, here it is:
One is told, from the time they are old enough to comprehend such concepts, that it is best to be one’s self (within the prescribed confines of society; my inner smartass demands that addendum); that to change who one is due to [peer pressure/family demands/whatever] usually leads to a fundamentally unhappy life all the way around.
One is told that it is who one is, inside, that counts (though we all know that’s pretty much bullshit).
One is also told, particularly and especially if one is female, that there are certain traits and qualities one must possess to be considered female/feminine. Deviations from these norms are punished with ostracism, ridicule, well-meaning friends/family/strangers offering suggestions, etc. Not to mention the fact that most Western cultural media (movies, TV shows, fucking commercials) inundate and inculcate one with these ideas, as well as reinforce them (Disney princesses, anyone?).
So. If one deviates from the societal norm of the feminine, both through no fault of their own and their own choice, believing that ‘to thine own self be true’ is a reasonable maxim by which to live, and as a result has been summarily punished through the usual channels (never seeing their reality represented as anything but a joke; thoughtless/well-meaning strangers)… If one day they decide to say ‘screw it, I’ll fucking do what you all want me to do’ and makes a large-scale change… Then what does that mean?
It strikes me that all future interactions of the romantic sort are all poisoned — Person X wouldn’t have noticed the person prior to this large-scale change; would never have given them the time of day, yet now, now they find them worth knowing? Person X then becomes someone who is themselves not worth knowing, as they are apparently rather shallow.
But is Person X shallow? Is the person who made the change to appease everyone but themselves (though perhaps they are secretly pleased at finally being able to give in) also shallow? Am I thinking entirely too deeply about this?
It’s terribly circular — Do Thing Y! Then [People] Will Like You! But Don’t Change For Other People, Because That’s Bad. But No One Will Like You Unless You Look Like This! And You Don’t, Which Is Bad. So Do Thing Y! [lather, rinse, repeat ad nauseam.)
